Quite Enough

" I was so unique, now I feel skin deep..... Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention.... though I could be strong, but it's killing me..... I want to be beautiful, make you stand in awe. Look inside my heart, be amazed...." By Bethany Dillon.   This song sums up so much of what us girls go through.  When things are going well with life we feel so strong, asif we need no one. But when something stumps us, and makes us feel small for a second, we gasp, and do not know what we can do to fix things. We look in the mirror only to see something we do not like. The skin, the rolls, the eyes, the lips, the hair. Longing for it to be perfect so he will adore us in every fashion of life. Wanting to always keep his attention on you. But when it does not come, what does one do? We want to be so worthy, so adorned, and so loved that he sees no other woman. And so, to get to this point, we try to clothe ourselves in the hottest fashion, in the best makeup that covers every flaw, keep our bodies the slimmest we can to make the sex appeal to him daily. This feeling sucks.  Because, no matter the amount one tries to make themselves perfect, they will never reach it. When we reach a goal.... we make another more insane one to meet the next month, only for him. What is really in his mind. One may never know. But of this I do know. The songs ends with.. " You make me beautiful, You make me stand in awe, You step inside my heart, and I am amazed, I love to hear You say, who I am is quite enough, You make me worthy of love, and beautiful."
   I cannot tell you how hard it is to write this down right now. Because as my fingers type I am wanting to make myself skinnier, cleanse my skin of all its scares, have the look that captures him every moment. But needing to realize, I am quite enough. My beauty is not of this world, but of something fuller and more breathtaking than any one could describe.  Beauty in Christ is undying, trusting, always patient, always kind, does not envy other bodies or faces, but endures all.....
   But it can be hard when the slump times come to our door. As much as we try to lock them out and stay guarded from them.... it is impossible.  Which is my I adore Pride and Prejudice. :)

The Purpose.

  I went back to the wonderful south this past week to surprise my family. While there i was able to talk with mamma about things that had been on my mind, and things I was a little convicted with. She gave me a book called Every Woman's Battle.  As I took the book from her I was thinking in the back of my head about how I would just skim over the pages and get an overview of what the message was. ( Because honestly i am not the biggest reader. I would much rather be acting the book out, be outside and what not.) The next day I was heading back home, so on the plane I took the book and began to see what it had to say. WOW! I am now able to step outside the bubble and take a look at the big picture and how I can hold myself accountable but also guard my guy friends. Really good! A must read ladies!!! B/c the stories in the book are real and vulnerable! You will love this read!
   While I was home. I was able to kinda come back to where I had used to be. With that said I feel to be more of a romantic than I already was. GREAT!!! Now I am going to be more sappy? More hopeless ( or hopeful) More lovey dovey? Perhaps, but not exactly. I am, however, more exited and humbled about becoming the woman my husband deserves.  I am more ready to let myself be corrected, and held accountable because I want to glow as a true woman of grace, rather than just a sex icon. However, I intend on being the sexiest for him that is for dang sure!!! ( Ciara's video 'ride'.... Amel Larrieux's 'make me whole'... and other love songs...) I want him to be able to look to me and see the true love I have for him, and feel the same passion for me.

    Love is as Corinthians says. Patient, Kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, is not rude, is not easily angered, is not self-seeking, keeps no recored of wrongs, does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth, always protects, always hopes, always trusts, and always perseveres.  ( 1 Cor. 13: 1-8.)   Love is selfless. And I intend to try my best at this view of love for not only my family and friends, but for my other half. Because he is deserving of it. so call me a sap. But i am totally basking in this feeling. And this humble feeling makes me high as a crackhead on head! If that makes any sense. 

   As you work on your heart for the preparation of that love, it shows on your outer layer as well. Think about it. You know a kind hearted person and perhaps they may not be the hottest thing ever, but what you adore about them is the kindness and loving attribute they live out. And you think about their beauty that way. What a wonderful thing yeah? yup! You bet!

   Now I am not saying go in your room, and just read your Bible and soak in the best books and hope for the best! No! That is fine, but a lil lazy. Be out there! Read. Yes that is important. Hold yourself accountable yes. But shoot girl!!! Make yourself beautiful also on the outside. Knowing your beauty is on the inside is key. But do not let that make you want to just let the rest go. Working from the inside out and keeping up with the outside also is legit!  

  Rambled on a bit this time:) But this is what is on my heart, in my head. 

love you!

fantasy? or the real?

  A very dear friend of mine and I found ourselves driving around north hollywood talking about our men situations.  Crazy huh? Two girls talking about boys.... since when does that happen? :) Anyways, we kept coming back to a big question that even her dad could not exactly answer. Here is it.... Why is it, we are told you are the most amazing girl, I would marry you, the best girl I know... and why can't other girls be like you..... yet..... we are the girls not taken on the dates.  Still, they ask out the tiny bimbos, and the skanky ladies.  Now I personally and ok with waiting, because if my beloved sees me for me and knows my heart, then he wont want anyone else.... However right now the good guys go for the bad girls... And it sucks as the 'best friend' if you wanna say.... to see an honorable man getting sucked into the shallow girls. Even so, they talk about settling down and wanting to slowly look for THE GIRL, but still, shallow. Now this is something that has happened for a long time. And now I am finally wanting some feedback.
  This does however point to something. Because what men see on magazines, in movies, and in porn is a body that is not natural. And, because they are used to letting themselves see that and get used to that, they make that vision of a woman reality. The tiny tiny waist.  The big chest. Plump lips. And always getting one to a high.  However, that is not us.  So,  you will be let down constantly by a so called normal woman.  And that, is your bad. If you, have this made up vision in mind, and the real thing not coming close to what you have in mind, then yes, you will not be satisfied.  So, why not the real thing? Why the fantasy?
  Men also say they love a woman with some curves.  I think curves are amaaaazing. That is what makes us different from the man. Well one reason.  So you love the curves, yet run towards the model shape. ( and this is not to point fingers or be angry at skinny girls.... b/c you also are beautiful)  I know I need to keep in mind that most people are drawn to a type, however is that type shallow? Because if you think about it, when it comes to porn and when it comes to having the sexiest hottest, whatnot girl you are self serving yourself.... and seeking your own desires.
   Now this is not going to change me. I love the way I look ( most of the time ).  I love that my bootay cannot fit in jeans very well.... my breasts make me look bigger than I am.  My skin is has marks on it. And my thighs are thick.  But we just wonder, why do men say these things, then go for another. Where are our dates? Not that we do not have any at all, But the men we adore and love, fall for the typical hot. But when you think about it, the typical hot is just a small shell...
   I suppose age also has to do with it.  Why be dumb and get a quick fix? Even if you men do not want to get married right now, why not prepare yourself for the biggest love of your life... That is what I am doing...... and I will give you this..... My friend and I were talking about being the best wife we can be, and golly, we will have the tightest bodies, with curves you will love to hold.  The longest patience, because already we await your arrival. The best lovin.... because we have waited our lives to give it all to you. and i mean ALLLL!!! ;) not afraid to say that aloud.
   But really.... why.