Just bc I care for you all.

Goodmorning loves. I woke up today with a swollen throat, makeup still on and had to go to the doctors to find out that Fumes make me feel icky.  Anyways! I got my computer back last night after an unexpected crash. :( I was not able to back anything up. Videos, pictures, music..... Thankfully, most of the all of those are on my phone, ipod, or facebook already. I wasn't too bummed though. I was more happy to get my computer back. I have to start back from scratch but do not mind it at all..... It made me think a little, Every morning we get a new chance. Every time we repent the sin are forgiven and we start over. I crash everyday. and all day long. But am constantly brought back to life and forgiven..... Just a little ramble I wanted yall to hear:)
  This is more for an encouragement for you guys. I have alot of dear ones going through quite a long and hard set of trials. I do not like ones close to me hurting. It hurts me. James 1 says; "count it all joy brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing......"
  Two years ago (almost) I got nodules on my vocal chords. I am a singer, and anything that holds my singing voice, let alone my speaking voice back pretty much depletes my whole spirit. It took reading this chapter over and over again. Working through my identity not being in my voice...... but in my Creator. I still struggle with rasp here and there, but have found contentment with whatever it is God is doing. Small example.... but these trials we go through are to be counted as joy.... Sucks right? Why joy? And why do they last so effing long? We wont know those answers. But what we will know is He will never leave us nor forsake us in these trials.
  My dad has been through hell the past two years. Trying to keep his hope up after losing a great job, and trying to find another. I questioned for a while, why such a great and humbled man would have to keep persevering for so long through such a trying time. Now with a job and a good year looking ahead  of him, we are more able to see the big picture.
   For you going through shit, keep kicking. My oldest brother Eric always told me when i was younger, Ktlady, if something is kicking you in the ass, turn around and start kicking the hell out of it back. And though that is the simplest way to think of something..... I can't help but picture it being done and it pumps me to keep going.
  I pray for you. And your trials..... There is reason for all. Standfast my loves.

Free Falling

Holy Cow it has been forever since I have written and I am very sorry for that! The past few months I have very much tried to stay afloat and living while trying my best to find a constant job. Let me just say I have been put in the passenger seat of my life and have been unable to drive. I am not in control, and have been feeling the sense of free falling for a little longer than I would originally want, but after coming back after a long trip and stepping out and breathing. I am ok with it. I went home December 20th. And while I was home, I was able to work for my dearest Auntie, or other mom however you wanna look at it, Noelle. I have worked for her and nannied for son Antonio since I was 18. That is 5 years. SOOOOO long! I knew going into the trip I was going to be busy. Working during the day, family time in the evening, and friends on into the night. Let me just say....... this trip was alot for in in the best of ways. Everything unexpected happen that could to be honest.
   I returned back to franklin with the mind set. I have everything in my hands. I do not need anyone to take care of me. I have made it this far, and will continue to make it even further. But I get home, and within a day things change, My heart is tried. My control is taken from me in the sweetest of ways. Through dear ones. My immediate reaction for this is to put walls right up. Guard myself before anyone could hurt me. I am better at hurting myself that way bc I know how to handle it now, instead of getting hurt. Um.... doesn't work. B/c now I am having to re-learn how to feel. How to trust and let guards down. I didn't know letting down walls would be so hard. Um. IT'S FREAKIN HARD AS CRAP! So willingly do I say it, but while also keeping a strong face and holding back the emotions.
  Ladies! do not be me! God gave us emotions, and they are a miraculous thing! Does  not matter if it is for work, a man, a friend, family, a child, art. you name it let the emotions flow.  My mom told me during the day when you begin to start feeling anxious. Step back, and ask yourself. How am I feeling physically, spiritually, mentally, and such. be honest with your answers.
  I am not one who easily gives up the reigns. I will put in my fight, however sometimes, we are not even given the reigns to start out with...... we just take them because we do not trust. My loves, trust. Trust in Him alone, and for the wise voices He placed into your life.
   So I am 23 today. EW! I have been back in LA for 2 days now. I am working on a short film, booked a pilot, and a comic book sketch ( ahhhahahaha ) have another pilot to be working on for later this month. Auditions set up. Bible studies in line. I am on fire. and will not be taken down. Why? B/c I am not in control of my life. I am simply following the narrow path laid before my feet. It is a hard thing. But I chose no other road.

Love you guys. This is gunna be a craycray year!