Be Good to You

 We all know this year has been quite the year of trials, lil bumps, laughs, tears, goals being met, and goals changing.  It has been a year of growing, and it is the best and hardest thing anyone will go through.  As I have been going through this, I am the type of person that shrugs things off and digs into the business of work and gym. Let myself drown in them before I can sit and think about it because I do not like the way it feels.... However, I am trying to step back and try to work it out so that I do not harden myself anymore than I already am. Luckily I have softened a lil, and I am still trying to figure out if I like it.... Because I am not used to it at all. My mom has told me, "Katie, treat yourself to something, you have to take care of Katie." I told her I am. I work, and workout and hang with friends and I find alot of filling in that! She goes "no, something out of the ordinary, you work because you can busy yourself, you workout for the same reason, and you hang with friends because you like to serve them and not yourself." I was like... Dang mom. Ok well Lets see..... I kept coming up with work and workout and taking my friends out, I even went shopping and didn't buy much. ( as funny as that sounds it means alot for me hahahahaha) I realized by how I treat myself it shows how I feel about myself. In a sense. The scripture tells us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. How much do we love ourselves? Um.... I can't stand myself 90% of the time because of the pressure I put on myself... Sorry neighbors.... working on it. ;)
    It is so easy to take care of someone else and push ourselves out of the picture because we do not wanna look in the mirror and see what is there, because we only see someone we cannot stand. Well guess what!!!! When God looks at us, does He see that? No! We were intricately woven and created so individually and stamped with his fingerprints that He sees His daughter or son, and is PROUD.  This past weekend was Easter. If we were not worth it then He would not have sent His son for our sakes.  Thus, with Christ redeeming us, we have our full identity in Him. What do you think about when you think of Him? Fat, ugly, loser, failure, empty, guilty, lost? Absolutely not. We think, Perfectly made, beautiful, chosen, filled with the Spirit, cleansed, found.
   Will we struggle with this feeling? of course. I will always have insecurities in myself because my flesh is fallen, but knowing my identity is in my creator I can withstand the lies that come into my head. Easier said than done of course, but still. I am learning how to through it all up into His hands. HARD!!!!!!! Because this lady y'all likes to be front and center and in control of everything. And now I got to let it be!??!?!! EF!! But the freeing feeling of casting anxiety to Him is the best! You cannot carry it alone my love. Not even close. Give it up, and treat yourself to something good:) You do deserve it. It is a healing process from the inside out, but it is nice because when you treat yourself you can hold, feel, or taste it.
   How I have been. I went and did some shopping, I got two pairs of HOT heals that make me feel very sexy when I wear them. I also go dancing:) ahahhahaha. Let people treat me if they ask to. I always turned down that blessing, when people offered to take me for nails, or lunch, I would say no, thinking in my head I can take myself out if I want to. Take the blessing someone wants to give you.
 Now I have rambled off all over the place as usual. But my point is to take care of you from the inside out. Love, it is worth it. Because doing so, you feel great! I know I do! ( that sounded like a commercial)

LOVE YOU

day by day

   I have honestly typed about fifty different lines to start out this blog..... each one very much different than the other. I do not know how to start because I do not know what to write. There is so much, sooooooooo much going through my mind and my heart that I kinda feel numb. The feeling I have, if this makes any sense is that I am growing a tone inside, and feel like I am about to burst out of my flesh. Yeah, thats it. I cannot help but think if some things didn't happen in the past 6 months how I would be.  How would my heart be? I am totally typing my thoughts as they seriously come to me. lol.  I adore my job and those I work with. I would take bullets for them they r amazing.  I adore the opportunities that I have right now, and the business inside my head is in the beginning stages of talking and meetings:) Cannot be more exited about that. But I still feel like I am missing something. To add some humor, I have money now, and do not want to go shopping. HAHAHHAH. seriously thought!!! I am a shopper, and I have not wanted to at all lately. That really shows something is wrong ;) hahahah. 

   I dunno, have you ever been in that season where you literally take life one day at a time? My mom always told me for the longest time, KT, you can't worry about everything to come, just be faithful with today and when tomorrow comes be faithful with it as well. Well, I am actually doing that.  I am a plan ahead person. Have everything lines up so that I can control the whole thing and fix the details. Well, I am now living faithfully ( well trying :) ) in what each day brings. I have my ambitions and my desires, and so I see how I can further them into reality day by day.  God is faithful to those whom are faithful to Him also. I felt like this time in my life was a numbness to Him. I honestly have not been reading in my scriptures but at church, I pray daily, but they are not always heartfelt prayers. But lately the prayers have changed and He has given me a bit of an eye opening. I am to be still in Him. Know He is God and is in control. Dang, being still means listening to my heart and thoughts which is something I do not want to do because that makes me have to deal with them. I always but on a soft shell but a hard core.  And honestly for some things in my life I wanna be so hard and just let it be, put on my game face and move right along.  But this being still thing isn't letting me. I ask for wisdom, and He gives me opportunities to use it. I ask for patience and He shows me how to withstand trials. I ask for perseverance and He encourages me along the way. 

  I guess what I am saying. Is when these times come, and they always do, and maybe you are going through it now. Standfast. Check yourself for what you find your confidence and hope in. If mine were in my work or someone I liked. I would have crumbled a long time ago. Let this time be used for build you up and strengthen your character. Nothing goes according to what we plan, and there is not need to feel guilty or feel like we have failed. It is life. It is rough. Wish we could just put on a helmet and run with it. But we cannot.  We have to slow down and feel and see and understand the big picture. 

   Now that I got this off my chest I think I am going to go shop a lil bit. I love you guys dearly. And have some craziness to write to you. I just needed to blahhhh that out first... let me just say.... the guys in this city...... wow... not so good.