day by day

   I have honestly typed about fifty different lines to start out this blog..... each one very much different than the other. I do not know how to start because I do not know what to write. There is so much, sooooooooo much going through my mind and my heart that I kinda feel numb. The feeling I have, if this makes any sense is that I am growing a tone inside, and feel like I am about to burst out of my flesh. Yeah, thats it. I cannot help but think if some things didn't happen in the past 6 months how I would be.  How would my heart be? I am totally typing my thoughts as they seriously come to me. lol.  I adore my job and those I work with. I would take bullets for them they r amazing.  I adore the opportunities that I have right now, and the business inside my head is in the beginning stages of talking and meetings:) Cannot be more exited about that. But I still feel like I am missing something. To add some humor, I have money now, and do not want to go shopping. HAHAHHAH. seriously thought!!! I am a shopper, and I have not wanted to at all lately. That really shows something is wrong ;) hahahah. 

   I dunno, have you ever been in that season where you literally take life one day at a time? My mom always told me for the longest time, KT, you can't worry about everything to come, just be faithful with today and when tomorrow comes be faithful with it as well. Well, I am actually doing that.  I am a plan ahead person. Have everything lines up so that I can control the whole thing and fix the details. Well, I am now living faithfully ( well trying :) ) in what each day brings. I have my ambitions and my desires, and so I see how I can further them into reality day by day.  God is faithful to those whom are faithful to Him also. I felt like this time in my life was a numbness to Him. I honestly have not been reading in my scriptures but at church, I pray daily, but they are not always heartfelt prayers. But lately the prayers have changed and He has given me a bit of an eye opening. I am to be still in Him. Know He is God and is in control. Dang, being still means listening to my heart and thoughts which is something I do not want to do because that makes me have to deal with them. I always but on a soft shell but a hard core.  And honestly for some things in my life I wanna be so hard and just let it be, put on my game face and move right along.  But this being still thing isn't letting me. I ask for wisdom, and He gives me opportunities to use it. I ask for patience and He shows me how to withstand trials. I ask for perseverance and He encourages me along the way. 

  I guess what I am saying. Is when these times come, and they always do, and maybe you are going through it now. Standfast. Check yourself for what you find your confidence and hope in. If mine were in my work or someone I liked. I would have crumbled a long time ago. Let this time be used for build you up and strengthen your character. Nothing goes according to what we plan, and there is not need to feel guilty or feel like we have failed. It is life. It is rough. Wish we could just put on a helmet and run with it. But we cannot.  We have to slow down and feel and see and understand the big picture. 

   Now that I got this off my chest I think I am going to go shop a lil bit. I love you guys dearly. And have some craziness to write to you. I just needed to blahhhh that out first... let me just say.... the guys in this city...... wow... not so good.